With divorce on the horizon comes the realization you must take care of yourself and, if you’re a parent, others by yourself, at least during your parenting time.
No longer do you have a partner, even an uninvolved one, to bounce ideas off whenever you feel like it, help pick up the slack, and take care of you in the way a loving spouse should. Perhaps you never had that, but now this understanding will be official.
As if that isn’t enough to contend with, in addition to all of your existing duties of caring for kids, going to work outside the home or preparing to do so, and tending to household chores, as well as whatever else you already have on your plate, including managing grief you may feel, you now have the overarching and emotionally draining task of overseeing the dissolution of your marriage. Not surprisingly, it can be easy to lose control when you need to be the most focused.
But all hope is not lost. There are practical strategies to help you stay organized during the divorce process.
Here are 6 to do before hiring a family law attorney
1. Set goals.
Ask yourself, “What do I hope to gain from my divorce?” Your goals may be personal in nature. Do you want a life free of fighting? Do you want to become financially and emotionally independent? Do you want your children to feel they are not caught in the middle?
Your goals may have to do with setting a timeframe for finalizing your divorce or reaching milestones along the way. Or your goals may be financial, as in gaining control over your money as well as having enough to pay living expenses. Whatever they are, it’s important you give thought to your goals before embarking on the divorce process, so the experience is a fruitful one.
2. Get organized.
Make a list of what you need to do and what you need for each “to-do” on your list. (If you’re tech-savvy, you may want to try an online site like Evernote to assist you.) If you know you’re going to begin divorce proceedings, prepare in advance. That means compiling documentation for items such as purchases or repairs you would like to be deducted from joint funds.
Keep a pad on hand (you can use your Smartphone for this purpose as well) to jot down thoughts, notes, and ideas as they come to you. How did you feel about the lawyer you recently interviewed?
Is your spouse responsible for that doctor’s bill not covered by medical insurance? Keeping a running tab of what’s on your mind will not only prevent you from forgetting important details, especially when communicating with your attorney (time is money and a lot of it) but will also give you peace of mind that you’re in control of your life.
3. Do research.
Don’t rely solely on advice from your friends and family or even your attorney. Know your state’s laws and educate yourself about common customs and practices. The more you know, the less time you’ll spend with your attorney.
It’s important to remember that although attorneys are well versed in the law, they’re not well versed in your life. Leaving out key pieces of information because you didn’t know they were key can hurt your case. Your lawyer is only as good a lawyer as you are a client.
4. Develop a financial plan.
Get a handle on your bills. What are your monthly expenses, and who’s responsible for paying them? Next, create a budget, keeping the future in mind. How will you pay for home repairs post-divorce? Future tax bills? Life insurance on you and your spouse if he or she is to pay spousal support?
Know how much money is coming in and going out so you’re not unexpectedly faced with the internet being cut off or not having enough money to send your kids to those after-school programs they enjoy. If you can, enlist the help of a financial professional such as a CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) or use an online program such as Mint to help get your finances in order.
5. Consider your estate planning needs.
Whether you have an estate plan or want to create one, now is the time to consider your estate planning needs, given the life change you’re about to experience. For example, if you were to die during the divorce process before your divorce is finalized, would you want any separate assets you may have to go to your spouse?
If you become ill or incapacitated, would you want your soon-to-be-ex making important medical decisions on your behalf? The obvious answer to these questions is no. Likely, as a consequence of your impending divorce, the fiduciaries who you would choose or beneficiaries have changed.
Estate plans consist of more documents than a will. If you have estate plan documents in place beyond a will, such as medical and financial powers of attorney, a HIPPA authorization, a cremation directive, and a living will, you should contact an estate planning attorney to make changes, even during the divorce process so, in the event that you’re unable to make certain decisions for yourself, you will have already chosen some you can trust to do so.
It’s important to note that because you’re still married, you won’t be able to make some changes, such as choosing the beneficiary of an asset in your will which has not been distributed yet as part of your divorce. This is why you should revisit your estate plan twice in relation to your divorce: once during the divorce process and once after your divorce is finalized. If you don’t have an estate plan currently, the time before and during your divorce is the perfect time to begin addressing your current and future estate planning needs.
6. Listen to your inner voice.
And make sure it’s being truthful. Listen to what others say and then discern the good advice from the bad and which nuggets will reasonably apply to you in your particular circumstance. Divorce is not a one size fits all proposition, and you should never defer to what “everyone else” says or does.
But, whatever you do, don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. Although it’s tempting to want the entire process to be over and done with quickly, remember this is your life that you’re talking about. Look out for yourself, and don’t be afraid to speak up, especially when it comes to asserting your rights and getting all you are entitled to.
Final thoughts …
Remember, the more you know, the more your attorney knows. The more organized you are, the less you may have to spend on attorney’s fees. Already have an attorney who you’re not comfortable with? Don’t be afraid to switch either. It can often be more economical to cut your losses and find a divorce attorney who’s aligned with your goals and sees every divorce case as it is — unique, just like you.
