While the ending of a marriage is very difficult to navigate, there are many gifts of divorce that can help guide you through the divorce recovery process. If that relationship was formalized with marriage vows, it can be even more painful. While navigating the legal process, you are likely to be dealing with feelings of grief, anger, fear and self-recrimination. Though this is a universally strenuous time, it can help to remind yourself that this crisis point is only a moment in time and it will pass. You will come out the other side of it whole and healed. It can also be helpful to realize that as difficult as the current moment is, some very good changes are likely to come about from it in the not-too-distant future. Here are a few gifts of divorce that can make your future look even brighter, not despite your divorce, but because of it.
Here are 3 Gifts of Divorce
Reclaim Your Mind
If your relationship is ending in divorce, it has likely been struggling for some time. You may be unaware of just how much space that struggle has been renting out in your brain. When marriages begin to fail, the people involved spend great amounts of time and energy in an effort to heal them.
You enter into a period of almost constant mental and emotional stress as you seek out solutions. There’s things to try like counseling, doing new activities together and making major changes in your life. You might spend a great deal of time reading and researching and implementing what you have discovered. You’re likely to seek advice from friends and family and to try implementing many of their suggestions.
Saving the marriage becomes such an overwhelming focus that you can completely forget how to live for yourself. When your efforts prove to be unsuccessful, it can be devastating, but it also frees you from the strain you have been under. Many people who have gone through what you are dealing with now report that along with the painful emotions that come with divorce. They also experience a quiet sense of relief, a lifting of a burden they had not realized had become so heavy it was crushing them. They feel that they now can reclaim their mental and emotional resources to focus that same kind of healing attention on themselves.
Become a Little Selfish
All marriages take effort, even the best ones. Sharing your life with another human being is not always easy. In exchange for the joys that come with marriage, there are things you give up and compromises you make. They may be small: giving up your dream of a shabby chic living room because your spouse hates florals. They may be huge: moving away from friends and family to support your partner’s career path. Although never the best idea, some people make huge sacrifices for one another, like letting go of having children or giving up a promising career.
When the relationship is working and healthy, you may decide that these compromises are worth it. However, when a relationship fails, it can be time to take back all those sacrifices and spend some well-earned time being a little selfish. Take the time to appreciate having your own space that you can do with what you wish. Recognize the simple joy of buying the coffee you like and sipping it while watching the morning news program you prefer. Learn what is Thrive and how it can improve your physical and mental well-being. Go out and buy some floral pillows and toss them wherever you like. Maybe consider some big changes because you can. Things like moving back closer to your support system or taking that job offer you passed up on because your partner didn’t want to relocate. Yes, you are losing something very valuable, but there is a level of freedom that you are gaining that can bring its own joys as well.
Learn To Love and Be Loved Better
Although you may feel in the moment that you will never love again, the reality is that you will. Moreover, the lessons that you have learned from previous relationships have the potential to be the reason that your next one will be successful. You have learned invaluable lessons about who you are and what you need and want, all-powerful pieces of information that will allow you to go into your next partnership as a much wiser person. Many divorcees credit their former relationships as preparing them for the much more healthy and happy ones that followed. Take the time to assess what worked and what went wrong in your marriage and when the time is right, be willing to try again.
A divorce can feel like a failure and leave you feeling alone and scared, but remember that there are many gifts of divorce. Know that there are valuable things to be gained as well. The ending of an unhealthy relationship can allow you to honor yourself, to focus on your own wants and needs, and in time, to find a partner who is more supportive and appreciative of all that you have to offer.