It could be my name, or your name, or your neighbor’s name. Maybe it’s the name of the divorced man or woman living down the street. Many of us know those who suffer the aftereffects of divorce with more grace and ease than we do. Somehow, they have the ability to manage emotions and feelings to a great extent. They embrace a new beginning and create a new, purposeful life.
It’s as though they leave old baggage behind, and arrive at a new life destination with new luggage. They’re ready to pack in new, positive memories and adventures that a forward-moving life creates.
As bootstrappers, they pick themselves up after divorce. They create a different life, making it look easier than it really is. We wonder, “Is there some sort of secret formula or process that they know about? If there is, we’d like to be in on the secret.”
Some feel it’s a great accomplishment to have gotten through to the other side of divorce. They’re so consumed with the transition through it, they aren’t thinking about what the next move should be.
Why Some of Us Don’t Leave Old Baggage Behind After Divorce
We Feel “Stuck.”
Why is that? We don’t know how to release enough of the past, which takes away potential for a joyful, promising future. We don’t know how to process all the confusing, crazy emotions we are experiencing. In other words, we aren’t living our best life. We are just existing and we know it.
For the most part, we try to move forward, but our fear of the unknown holds us back. Some of us unwittingly choose to stay where we are. It serves us more than doing the work it would take to move forward. I know this is hard to read, but it’s true.
Otherwise, we’d take responsibility for ourselves. We’d make the decision to do whatever it takes to get on with rebuilding our lives.
After digging and searching for answers, I THINK I discovered what some of those other men and women know. They know how to THINK correctly, at a higher level than I do.
I ask myself, “Does this higher level of thinking create awareness of choices I have no conscious understanding or knowledge of?”
How Do I Learn To Think Correctly?
First, I am open to changing my mindset. In order to move forward, I change the way I think. If I continue to think in the old way, I’m not going to create any new and different results.
Next, I change my perception of my present situation. If I change my perception, I open a space inside of my mind. It allows me to see my circumstances from another point of view. This exposes different options for action steps that I might otherwise miss because I am simply not aware of them.
Then, I change my attitude. This is a big one. Changing my attitude allows me to think on a higher vibration of thought. It puts me in a happy frame of mind.
How Do I Create A Better Attitude?
Starting the day with a cheerful outlook sets the tone. When I wake up in the morning, the negative self-talk starts its mental chatter. It puts me in a low mood.
So, as soon as I wake up, I get up and shift my mindset. I write three things in my gratitude journal that I am grateful for in my life. Every now and then, I write good things I hope to accomplish that day. I have found that feeling gratitude elevates my attitude and expecting the best to happen lifts my spirit.
How Do I Change My Present Results?
It’s simple, but not easy. I learn to THINK on a higher level. A strong body makes a strong mind.
Does it really? We know how to exercise and nourish our physical body to keep it strong, but how do we exercise our mind to keep it strong?
We have six mental muscles. These are our intellectual faculties, which are imagination, will, reason, perception, memory, and intuition. When we flex these muscles, we make choices and decisions coming from our higher self.
How Do We Use These Mental Muscles?
These muscles are in the conscious mind. Instead of looking for answers outside of myself, I go within, accessing my inner power for answers.
- I flex my Imagination and picture my new life in my mind. It doesn’t mean I just think of having a better life. Specifically, I ask myself what I want it to look like. With this in mind, I picture it in detail. I create a vision of what I want. The key is to put myself in the vision so that I see and feel myself as already having and living that life. As I come from the vision. I start to become the vision I think about.
- I flex my Will to hold my vision in the forefront of my mind. That muscle will help to keep my focus and concentration on the vision. Using my Will keeps out distractions and temptations from luring me off track. As a result, I keep my mental eye on the prize of creating my vision.
- I flex my Reason so that I come up with sound ideas and formulate a plan of specific action steps that will help me rebuild my life much more quickly.
- I flex my Perception by looking at my situation from another point of view. Looking from a different point of view exposes solutions that weren’t obvious before. Consequently, I begin to see opportunities and possibilities that weren’t visible to me before.
- I flex my Memory as past failures and challenges start to come up and nag at me. I swiftly push them aside. I’m going to create new, forward-moving memories for the future.
- I flex my Intuition. It’s that inner knowing. It’s the flashes, hunches, and inspiration that whispers to me. Intuition points its finger in the right direction. I learn to be still, listen, and trust it.
As I flex these mental muscles, I hold the vision of how I expect and create my new life. I begin to feel differently, take the right action steps, and create new results. It becomes my reality. I begin to leave old baggage behind.
I start to pack my new luggage (new thoughts) for the trip I’m about to experience. There are fond memories that I am about to create. I’m about to encounter an incredible purposeful journey. There are amazing adventures that I never dreamed of.
I arrive with my new luggage to a new life destination that is fulfilling and joyful for my future.