“John” tells his story about being a male victim of abuse at the hands of his wife. The Interviewer is author Gretchen Baskerville, whose book “The Life-Saving Divorce” has a chapter devoted to telling the stories of men who are victims of abusive or serially unfaithful wives.
00:55 – Men are more likely to stay silent, and less likely to be believed.
01:40 – How John met his wife.
03:00 – How his wife cut him off from friends and isolated him from those close to him
04:25 – Her opposition to attending a colleague’s wedding
05:20 – Her demeaning behavior, insults to his professional career and life as a farmer
06:30 – Her claims to be superior to him and demands for apologies.
07:20 – Provoking him into arguments. Criticized him for being English.
07:50 – Friends noticed and commented on the disrespect
08:30 – Undermined his prior promises to his foster daughter
10:30 – The problem with “Happy Wife, Happy Life” formulas
10:40 – She would start argument and would block the front door, and coerce him to stay in the house (He couldn’t move her physically for fear of being accused of being physically violent.)
11:15 – He had to make a run for it, and documented each event
11:55 – His experiences were depicted in the PADLOCK film. https://vimeo.com/251323354
12:15 – Feeling trapped. She said she could do anything she wanted to me.
12:40 – Sleep deprivation, as a common form of torture
13:00 – She never accepted responsibility over her own behavior. He felt trapped.
13:20 – Worried about not being believed.
13:30 – Double standards for women and men victims.
14:40 – How did you finally understand that you were an abuse victim? How did you get in contact with a domestic violence advocate? Duluth Wheel adapted for male victims.
15:45 – My wife wanted to portray me as the abuser (reversing victim and offender). She said she could do anything to me she liked. #DARVO
16:30 – He found the examples, definitions, and men’s stories on the ManKind Initiative website: https://www.mankind.org.uk/help-for-victims/types-of-domestic-abuse/
18:00 – Churches don’t always believe him. No church leader has ever asked for his evidence.
18:30 – Advocating by displaying a placard in front of a church.
19:15 – Christian men are sometimes not believed. One man’s wife was convicted and imprisoned for her behavior. https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/17/caroline-flack-boyfriend-assault-11921944/
19:30 – He documented his wive’s behavior and the incidents.
19:50 – His wife made allegations against him. The police pulled him over. He was able to prove beyond any doubt that her allegations were false. Finally, the police had to let him go.
22:20 – He had filed a complaint against her prior to this event. But the police laughed at him.
22:40 – He believes that his wife filed a preemptive charge.
23:15 – In retrospect, he wished he’d been charged, and his journals would have been made public in court.
23:45 – One senior police executive has since apologized to him. John now works with the police in the area of advocacy.
25:00 – Dating again after divorce. He regained his confidence. He went on a few dates and realized he was not the problem. Most women weren’t abusive.
25:50 – He met a lovely woman. He wanted her to know about his past. She looked at the evidence and believed him. Today they are happily married.
26:00 – Message to men: Call the police if you are in danger. Seek out an abuse awareness organization that has men’s stories on their websites. ManKind.org.uk. Men stay because they are afraid of losing contact with their children and because they hope they can protect their children from abuse. The authorities are gradually improving on this topic.
28:45 – Prevalence of male domestic abuse in the U.K.
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse.
Her book, “The Life-Saving Divorce” is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF MALE VICTIMS OF ABUSE AND BETRAYAL read CHAPTER 9 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
How to Get the Book, “The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships”
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen’s You Tube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRgt…
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gretchen.bas…
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com
Top 50 Blog Posts by Topic: http://lifesavingdivorce.com/popular/
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
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